


deformed words

by americangentleman



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Gay, Javey - Freeform, M/M, Newsies - Freeform, angsty like the whole time until the end, i dont know what to put, ralbert, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23304343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americangentleman/pseuds/americangentleman
Summary: jack kelly has been blatantly ignoring his best friend david jacobs and he isn’t having it. every night he finds himself tossing and turning over the possible reasons this could be happening. does jack realy hate him? ....or is davey ignoring him?
Relationships: Davey Jacobs/Jack Kelly, David Jacobs/Jack Kelly
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	deformed words

davey and les stood in line as they do every day for their papers, budging into conversations around them until it was their turn. katherine was around, observing the boys and their natural order. 

everyone loved kath. they would hug her (more like strangle her) or do their made-up handshake with her. jack was especially all over her, never leaving her side unless he needed to. 

it bothered davey—but not too much. it just set off a pang in his chest that he couldn’t pinpoint. he never felt that way before and chose to ignore it.

but, it did make him mad that after every passing day jack would almost ignore him completely. maybe a few instructions here and there but that would be it.

how could they go weeks of planning and organizing a whole strike together then have jack act like it was nothing? davey tried his best to not think about it though. every time he did, he ended up breaking something (yes, there is a hole in his bedroom wall). 

“david,” les tugged at his brothers shirt, “it’s our turn.” david snapped out of his trance and smiled nervously, trying to play it off. he hadn’t realized he was staring. at what? at who? he couldn’t remember besides the fact he was trapped in his own racing thoughts. 

he paid for their papers and handed les his share hastily. he pulled his little brother along, who was hesitant to follow. “why are we trying to leave so fast! dave!” he whined, trying to break daveys tight grip. “dave, stop!” 

davey huffed angrily and halted, letting go of his brother. “why? what? did you forget something?” 

“no! no ones left yet! we can’t go yet!” les complained, stomping down his feet. that’s when race swooped in, picking up the kid and taking his hat.

davey hadn’t noticed the tapping of his foot on the ground or how tightly his arms were crossed across his chest. he hadn’t noticed his irritated expression or the tapping of his fingers against his other arm. he was ready to leave. why? he didn’t care to know. he just wanted to go home and be away from here. away from jack.

“you’s steamin,” race laughed through gritted teeth that held the cigar in place. at least it wasn’t lit. it was too early for this. “sleep on the wrong side o’the bed?” he ruffled les’ hair then set him back down, pushing his hat back on his head.

“it’s nothing, race. it’s fine,” he sighed exasperatedly, grabbing his brother again. 

“gee, take a chill pill, why don’t’cha? jus’ askin’ a question! saw you’s brother cryin’ an’ thought somethin’ was up. you’s ain’t been you’s self,” race mentioned bluntly, caring less about watching his words.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about and frankly i don’t care,” davey responded. “look, everyone’s leaving. i’ll catch you later.”

“not gonna say hi to katherine?” race wasn’t giving up. davey stopped in his tracks again and tensed up. 

“tell her i said hi, will you?” david then continued walking out of the gates of the newsies square he knew so well. 

he dreaded the thought of leaving the place behind. he belonged there more than he did at school. he had a second family with the newsies. he enjoyed the little interactions he had with everyone, even if it was just about how buttons fell off a curb again or how many women romeo flirted with. it lightened his day immensely. it was what he needed.

a distraction, thats what he needed. from the thoughts that broke him every night. but, he couldn’t figure out why they tore them apart. he didn’t know what it was or why it was there. his heart broke into a million pieces every passing night. his sister knew about his breakdowns. maybe she even knew what about. 

all he could tell was that it threw him around in circles night after night, beating him six feet underground.

“dave, what’s wrong?” les tugged at his older brothers shirt again. “racer was right, you ain’t yourself!” 

davey shook his head, “i just need sleep.” he rubbed les’ back assuringly with a gentle smile.

“davey!” jack swung around the corner. davey jumped in surprise. how did he do that? 

davey flattened out his shirt and cleared his throat, “jack.” 

“hi jack!” les waved. 

“kath says hi,” he winked. “she wanted ta talk to ya today but you ran. she’ll catch ya later.”

“okay,” davey nodded. he couldn’t bring himself to say anything else. was jack taunting him? they hadn’t talked in weeks but suddenly he’s ready to be friends again out of the blue. it pissed davey off. “we should be going.”

“what? we have all day!” les whined. 

“folks want us home as soon as possible,” he came up with a lie on the spot. 

“but i want to talk to jack! you’re no fun!” he pursed his lips, pouting. davey rolled his eyes, unamused. 

“yeah, dave! let the kid have some fun, mr. uptight,” jack snickered. 

“i’m not uptight.” 

jack cocked an eyebrow, surprised at how he was being talked to. “alright, maybe wake up on the right side o’the bed next time.”

davey felt himself fuming, almost shaking from how mad he was. “okay. les, let’s go.” 

jack watched them leave, his smile falling slowly as they got further. “i’ll see y’all later!” he shouted weakly. david ignored it and picked up his pace.

“david—“

“leave it.”

•~•  
david sat in his room, the candle flickering on his desk where he sat writing in a new notebook.

“not throwing a fit tonight?” sarah stood at the entrance of his room. 

davey rolled his eyes playfully, a small smile growing on his face. he turned to face his sister, “not yet.”

“a notebook? trying better coping mechanisms rather than punching a hole in the wall?” sarah laughed, sitting at the end of her brothers bed.

davey laughed too. he loved his relationship with sarah. they were closer than he was with les. sarah has taken care of him all through his childhood, so of course they had a tight sibling bond. they could talk about anything together. they went to each other for advice about whatever they needed. it was easy for them to talk to each other. it was reliving for davey to know he had someone always there for him.

“are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she asked after a while, letting their giggles die down.

davey went quiet. he stared down at the blank pages that taunted him. he just had to transfer his mind to the page. a simple task it seemed like. but he couldn’t do it.

“i...i don’t know what it’s about, sar,” he sighed finally. he leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. he heard sarah lean over to grab his cap that laid next to him.

she fiddled with it. “i might have an idea,” she said with a small grin.

“you know everything,” he faced her again. he did not enjoy the sly smirk that took over her face.

“that reporter girl, the one that covered the strike. plumber?” 

davey furrowed his brows, confused where she was going with this. “oh, katherine? what about her?”

“her and the leader boy—“ sarah took a second to remember his name. “jack! jack. her and jack, are they..?” 

david didn’t say anything and turned back to his journal. he get the same way he did earlier. it was weird, unnatural. he felt his soul fall apart again like he did every night. 

“i hit a gold spot,” sarah said proudly. “didn’t i?”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he rubbed his neck nervously.

she chuckled, “oh, i definitely did! you do that when you’re embarrassed!” 

“do not!” 

“yes you do!”

then the room fell silent. davey didn’t know what to say. maybe she was right. was he jealous that katherine could be interested in jack and not him? was he jealous of all the time she spent with jack instead of him? 

“does he hate me?” david asked. 

jack had stopped talking to him. then out of no where jack was there. he wanted to talk. he wanted to be there and talk to davey. but, davey didn’t let him. he couldn’t stand looking at jack. he couldn’t stand the irresistible pain and yearn he felt everytime he looked into jack’s bright eyes. he couldn’t stand the ache in his chest when jack smiled his typical hopeful or gave his heartiest laugh. he couldn’t stand the longing he felt when jack stood beside katherine and looked at her like she was the only thing that mattered at that moment. 

he hated jack kelly with a burning passion.

“what?” sarah was taken back by the question.

“does jack hate me?” he repeated himself quietly.

“i wouldn’t know. why do you ask?” 

“he’s been ignoring me. then the one time he actually talks to me it’s like...he’s mocking me! he goes from pretending i don’t exist, like...like the strike and what we had was nothing! like our friendship never happened! then suddenly he comes up to me today like everything is normal. as if he never forgot about me!” he slammed his fist down on the desk, causing sarah to jump.

but then her hand was placed over his softly. “dave...breathe.”

“i just...i don’t understand! what did i do to make him act like this?” davey’s voice shook as he spoke and his eyes glossed over. “i miss him...” he whispered. sarah pulled him into a side hug, standing over him.

“or is it you?” sarah ran her fingers through her brothers hair, untangling the loose curls. 

“what?”

“are you ignoring him?” she suggested.

“of course not! i want nothing more than to talk to him...to be near him!” he defended.

“how often is katherine around jack?” she asked quietly, her fingers still combing daveys hair.

he took a second to breathe. no matter how many deep conversations he had with sarah, he would refuse to be completely vulnerable. “she’s been around newsies square almost everyday...”

sarah hummed a response. david knew she was putting pieces of his own puzzle together. but his parts were still scrambled and turned upside down. he couldn’t seem to put anything together.

“talk to him.” she concluded. 

“about what?” he opened his eyes to look up at her.

“if he hates you.” then she let go of her brother. “goodnight, dave. i love you.” she kissed his forehead and left him for the night. 

he watched her leave and stared at the door for a moment before looking down at the paper.

he inhaled deeply and picked up his pencil.

“how long has it been? since the beginning.   
the beginning of the strike. i was your partner. your right hand man. stuck to you like glue. you trusted me. the way you looked at me, i knew you’d push me. and you did. i was right there by your side supporting your every move. i knew you were strong. i knew you weren’t the type to give up. i knew you loved every one of those boys deeply. but you chose me. you chose me: me, who you just met. me, who wanted nothing to do with you. me, who wanted nothing more than a days pay to support my family. me.   
my name is david jacobs. but, you called me davey. davey. i havent let go of that name, or what i felt when you mentioned it. you threw it at me. you heard my name, you heard david. but you called me davey. and i loved it.  
i watched you. i watched how composed you seemed. i watched how you knew what you were doing. i watched your confidence and your will. i watched you every passing day as you grew stronger and more passionate. and i did too. you boosted me up. you never told me i wasn’t good enough. you never told me i was doing it wrong. you took every suggestion i ever had. you trusted me.  
without you, i wouldn’t be who i am now. i wouldn’t be taking time to talk to racer, romeo, jojo, elmer...i wouldn’t have given a damn about anyone else if it weren’t for you and your faith.   
and still. when you ran away because you couldn’t take it anymore. i was there. i knew you had more in you. i knew you couldn’t give up; not on those boys.   
even when everything crashed down on you at the rally. when pulitzer had you wrapped around his fingers. i knew it wasn’t over. i knew it wasn’t you, i knew you were doing it for us.   
maybe that’s when i fell in love with you.  
maybe that’s why i fell in love with you.”

david closed the book and gently placed it in a drawer. he blew out the candle, letting the rest of his thoughts hang in the air. 

~•~  
“rise and shine, boys!” jack said brightly, waltzing into newsies square with a beaming smile. katherine followed behind him, causing everyone to hoot and holler. 

“m’lady,” romeo bowed, removing his cap.

“romeo,” she giggled. “delighted to see you again.”

and as the day before, as each newsboy grabbed his paper, they greeted her in their own way. 

les tugged at his brother shirt. “you’re always starin’ an’ makin’ everyone wait!” 

davey shook out of his trance and bought their papers. 

“you keep doin’ that,” les said, shoving his papers in his bag.

“doing what?” davey asked, acting clueless. he knew exactly what les was on about. 

“starin’” the curly blonde approached them, his best friend at his side.

“line hog,” albert fixed his cap that was recently stolen by race. 

“you two have got to be the most annoying people ever,” davey huffed. 

“says the most stubborn,” race snickered, taking les’ hat and holding it high enough so it’s unreachable.

“you ain’t said a word to katherine,” albert took the youngest boys hat and held it even higher, making him pout.

“give it up, al!” les complained, standing on his tip toes. albert leaned over race’s shoulders, purposely pressing his face to his friends. race pretended to be disgusted by the contact but made no effort to move away.

“come on, you two,” david snatched the cap and placed it on les’ head neatly. 

“oh, look who the cat dragged in,” race laughed as katherine approached the group. “hi kath!” he waved happily. albert waved too.

“boys,” she smiled happily. les clung to katherine’s waist. 

“morning, kath,” davey smiled. “you working on a new report?” he started conversation.

katherine nodded, delighted by the question. “i’m trying. there’s not much to write about now days.”

“understandable,” david nodded. “well we should be going now. catch you later.” 

all the boys ran out the gates, happy to start another day. 

a bystander would feel sorry for these boys and their long hours. but they make the most of it. it was refreshing for davey.  
•~•  
“hi jack!” les waved at the boy in the blue shirt that stood down the street, making up some fake headline to sell his last paper.

he turned his head to the brothers. they were heading home before the sun set so they wouldn’t have to walk in the dark. but, those plans were now crushed because of david’s brother. 

“les!” jack shouted and waved them over. les skipped his way over while davey took his time. “sold out?”

“yeah! easy peasy!” he giggled. jack occasionally glanced up at davey but tried not to make it obvious. 

“just sold my last one, kid.”

“it’s getting late. we shouldn’t be out here for much longer,” davey said. 

“what happened to the adventurous davey that stayed out all night, huh? the one ready to hide from the cops?” jack responded. “don’t know where the sudden schedule came from.”

“why does it matter to you?” davey crossed his arms. he was doing it again. 

why was he so mad at jack?

he already knew the answer to that. 

jack seemed taken back but not hurt. “jus’ askin’ a question.”

david didn’t know why this made him even more angry, but it did. he was fuming. “what happened to the jack who talked to me? the jack who didn’t ignore me for days on end? the jack who didn’t pretend that i didn’t exist then out of the blue swing on back?” 

les watched them quietly, worry filling him. 

this silenced jack. davey couldn’t read his expression. he couldn’t read the look in his eyes. the lonely look in his eyes. he couldn’t read jack’s thoughts that usually followed the wind. empty.

then he ran. jack ran. david felt regret take over him, stinging every bone in his body. he couldn’t move. he couldn’t breathe. everything was caving into him. nothing seemed real. was this happened? it ought to be a dream.

until he was knocked out of his trance as les bolted the direction of their house. davey wanted to scream at him, to tell him to stop. to run after him. to hide in his room where it was safe.

but his legs took him to the lodging house. 

he wasn’t one for exercise. no wonder he was failing pe. but he ran. he ran as fast as he possibly could. faster than he ever had before. he didn’t care what pedestrians were in the way or what they said. he had somewhere to be. and it wasn’t home. he thought about sarah. he thought about what sarah told him. he knew what he was doing. he didn’t like it. it was a terrible idea, but he still went with it. 

“davey!” tommy boy greeted, holding a glass of who knows what. “what’cha doin’ ‘ere so late? you gotta broth’a ta take care o’.”

“home. he went home,” he said breathlessly, holding onto his knees for support. 

“you good? cops get ya?” race waddled over, placing his hand on daveys back. “need a glass of water?” 

“no...no,” davey breathed. “it’s fine.” he took a moment to compose himself. “jack?”

“rooftop. he didn’t say a word to us when he came in,” crutchie directed. “do you know why?”

“my fault, it’s my fault,” he coughed. 

“sit?” smalls pointed to the almost empty couch where sniper slept. 

“no, it’s fine. have a good night, everybody,” davey said, standing up straight. 

“night!” elmer yelled from off the table top, jojo and henry waving too. the other newsies around noticed his presence and waved at him. 

davey ran up the stairs and hunted for the fire escape. he could hear pacing and muffled yelling as he climbed up the steps. 

“jack?” davey called as he made it to the top. jack stopped and looked over at him for a moment before turning away to wipe his tear stained face.

guilt flooded over davey again at the sight of his friends broken state. and it was all his fault.

“jack—“

jack cut him off, “what? come to remind me that i’m a bad friend or something?” 

“what?” david felt offended by the comment. 

“to accuse me of ignoring you when in reality it’s been you! every time i try talking to you you’re in another world or—or you don’t want to hear anything that comes outta my mouth!” jack yelled back. then he shut up. he covered his mouth and shut up.

david stomped up to him. they’d be face to face if jack weren’t turned the other way.

“do you hate me? is that why you’d rather do anything other than talk to me? why you want to forget everything we’ve been through?” david wasn’t yelling. he wasn’t trying to punish jack. but he wasn’t desperate. he was angry, bubbling at the seams. but he kept himself composed.

jack didn’t answer. nothing but their hostile breathing game out of each other. no other noises but the busy city below them. 

jack moved to lean against the wall, to hover over the dark streets below. davey stood where he was before, silently watching jack.

“do you hate me or something?” he asked again, softer this time. 

“not at all,” jack said. he left his words unspoken for a moment. lingering. waiting for the follow up. davey was expecting the worst. “god, not even close. i’m in love with you.”

davey felt his body tense up. he couldn’t think. he couldn’t process jack’s worse. it felt unreal. was he falling? he must be falling into a dark, endless pit. 

it was a dream. 

he wanted to scream. he wanted out of this dream. 

“i love you.” davey blurted out of his own conscience. “i’ve loved you since...for as long as i can remember. i’ve loved you since the strike, since the beginning of the strike. you wouldn’t give up. you told me i wouldn’t be out here if my father had a union. you had no reason to believe in me. you had no reason to put me in charge right next to you. you didn’t have to do that. it could have easily been race or crutchie. but you chose me. i’ve loved you since i saw you give your heart to every boy and girl down there. and i never stopped loving you since then. i tried, and i tried, and i tried. i tried convincing myself that it wasn’t real, that what i was feeling was anything but love. but i couldn’t let it go. it only grew stronger day by day. maybe that’s why i was so...maybe that’s why i was so mad. i couldn’t handle my own feelings and it all just blew up in my face. and i let it out in the wrong way. i mean, i tried writing it out. i...i did. and i realized that i would never get over this. i have never in my life been so in love with anyone like i am with you, jack kelly. and i don’t think i could ever be as in love with anyone as much as i am in love with you.” he felt warm tears fall down his cheeks. “and i don’t know what i’d do with myself if you didn’t love me back.” 

jack watched davey deliver his speech, his stammering and hesitation while talking. he was crying harder than he was before. 

“you goddamn idiot,” jack managed to choke out. he engulfed davey into a hug as they both had waterfalls dripping from their eyes. “i hate you so much. i hate you so much to the point i love you. i loved you so much to the point i had to distance myself and pretend it was nothing when in reality it was all i could think about. for weeks. you never let me go, not even when i betrayed all of you. you didn’t once give up on me. and i’m so thankful for it...god, i love you so much.”

they broke from their hug. they looked solemnly into each other’s eyes. davey wanted that moment to last forever. he felt wonderful. the weight lifted from his chest; he felt free. 

he wanted time to stop so he could just keep looking at jack. how the moonlight reflected off of him, highlighting every perfect feature about him. he didn’t want a single thing to change. he didn’t want a single second to go by. he didn’t want the feeling to ever go away. 

with a blink of an eye, their lips were connected. davey didn’t think the moment could get any better. the world was theirs. every heartfelt moment exploded form the tender kiss; the kiss they’ve been waiting for since the day the realized they were meant to be. it wasn’t a forceful kiss nor was it a soft, gentle one. it was the most perfect kiss imaginable. 

everything lined up perfectly. every moment led to this specific one. every emotion was meant to be felt. jealousy, hurt, heartbreak, recovery, love. everything was as it should be. 

they were guided to be connected by the million of stars that shone in the sky. by every unfinished, lingering sentence and thought. by every yearning stare and longing glances. by scrambled puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly to make a beautiful picture after hours of solving. 

everything came together. and nothing would make the kingdom they built fall, not in a thousand years. 

and when the kiss ended, everything remained in place. the same lovestruck smile of jack kelly and the same affectionate eyes of david jacobs. their hands linked together in their unbreakable chain.

davey let out a relieved sigh. for the first time in years, he could finally breathe.


End file.
